Monday, May 24, 2010

Keeping my son's memory alive

Most of  you reading do not understand me and I am so thankful that you don't.  Never would I wish losing a child on anyone, it is the worst broken heart ever.

Going back to April 15, 2005.  One of the brightest days of our lives (my son and I).  Finally after years of living in apartments, I was able to buy my first home.  I did it as a single Mom.  Proud and so excited.

The house was move in ready and was such a darling home, but you know you have to do things that make it yours. 

Excitement was in the air.

June 8, 2005 the phone rings at 12:24 AM that my son, my only child had been in a car accident.  So many emotions and thoughts rambling in my head as I called a friend to take me to the hospital, one block away.

What seemed like hours the doctor finally came it to tell me about his injuries and I abruptly stopped him, "I want to know how he is now and when can I see him?"  the doctor, "Well. he's dead."

The next thing I knew they were lifting me up from the floor as I am screaming, mourning and falling so fast into a black hole with no way out.

Five years later I am still in that black hole.  Desparately wanting to grasp onto something that will make all of this go away.  Nothing is there....

My heart aches daily, it is so broken, but yet I must keep going.  My "abnormal" normal life is so different than before.  I am in a strange world with strange things all around me.

Today I want to share a slideshow I did for Dustin.  Five years...seems like can I be living this life?  I also have a website for him

Help me to keep his memory is his slideshow...


  1. I am so truly sorry for your loss, thnak you for sharing the photos of him. He was a wonderful young man. I hope your loved ones take care of you today, i'll be thinking about you.

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  3. Thanks so much for stopping by.

    Such a lovely reminder of your child. I know that sometimes it may get hard, but God is in control. We may not understand, God has a plan. How do I know God is in control? When I see the sunrise and the sunset each day.

  4. Reading this, you're so right people who haven't experienced such great loss, could never understand it. Not a month ago a lady I'd never met before crossed my path, I made a silly smiling comment about a doll she was moving at the thrift store where she worked. She said, "you're right if I did take this doll baby home I'd probably hug it and cry all night. My baby would have been 18 if he hadn't have died." While I was standing there like an idiot trying to think of the right thing to say, she then said " God must have given me strong shoulders, to have to bear this." , and she walked away. I left there racking my brain wondering what I could have done, knowing there was nothing, I could have said or done to help. I just wish I'd have given her a hug, I wish I could give you one. May God in His mercy bear up up, you're not alone, others out there carry pain like you know. Please just know, you're not alone, God is there for her and you.

  5. That is a beautiful slide-show and a great way to remember your son. My thoughts are with you.

  6. That was a beautiful slide-show. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Sending you lots of hugs.

    God Bless

  7. Nancy...I stopped by today never expecting in my wildest dreams to read all of what your heart has shared. I'm siting hear unable to see to type and I can barely even compose my head to write.

    I wish I knew why it is that God allows such profound loss in our lives. I'll never know. What I do believe is that He understands your immeasurable loss and your broken heart.

    Many years ago Bill and Gloria Gaither penned a song that I carry with me in my heart always. Part of it says this...

    "If there ever were dreams
    That were lofty and noble
    They were my dreams at the start
    And the hope for life's best were the hopes
    That I harbor down deep in my heart
    But my dreams turned to ashes
    And my castles all crumbled,
    My fortune turned to loss
    So I wrapped it all in the rags of life
    And laid it at the cross~

    Something beautiful, something good
    All my confusion He understood
    All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife
    But he made something, beautiful, of my life."

    My prayer for you today is that you will be flooded with JOY over the fact your son loved you very much and that he misses you too. I pray that God will reveal His Plan, His Purpose this very day...Something Beautiful and forever lovely birthed from your sorrow.

    Lifting you up to the Most High.

    Love, Rebecca

  8. I could never imagine the pain you must go through on a daily basis. I'm so sorry hun, so damn sorry for your loss.

    What an ass that Dr was to tell you like that?? Grrr... My Sisters had to tell me about my Mom's passing like that, but it was only because I wouldn't shut up and they just had to blurt it out.

    I'll never forget them saying "Get dressed, they're holding her body at the house until you can get there!"
    I don't remember getting dressed, I don't remember the drive over there. All I do remember is jumping out of the car and Mom's husband telling me "she's gone Dee, they've already taken her body!"

    That memory will haunt me for the rest of my life. So I can't imagine what your going through. Hugs hun.

    Your video was beautiful!!

  9. I can’t imagine how you feel or what you go through everyday. I think the slideshow was a beautiful; it brought tears to my eyes. It looks like you raised a wonderful young man.

    You are in my thoughts.

  10. What a wonderful tribute! You can see the beautiful spirit in your son's eyes and the love you have for him. I could never imagine what you go through each day with him gone. Praying that God fills your days with comfort and beautiful memories of your beloved son.


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