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Maybe I can write this without crying or maybe not. This is one subject I never wanted to think about. I just can't imagine all of it. Yes I tend to hide my head in the sand. It just gets me through.
First off I love my parents so much, they are who made me and taught me all I know. I am so close to them and since my brother died in Vietnam in 1968, I am all that they have. Then my son Dustin died in 2005 and really I am it.
At times I don't feel like I do enough for them. Everday I talked to them a million times on the phone, go to their house to do the little things that they can no longer do....and do the errands, pay bills, take to doctor, etc.. I still feel guilty for not doing enough. If I don't do it for them then who will.
Luckily they both are alert, very much so. Their health is good it is just that they are aging. Dad is 85 and Mom is 80. Dad needs attention because 1) he's spoiled 2) he is frail. Mom needs rest and doesn't get it as often as she should. It breaks my heart as Mom watches the love of her life, the strong farmer, the man of the house....slip.
Life gets in the way at times preventing me from being there all the time. Yes I feel guilty because they were always there for me no matter what. Do any of you have suggestions on how to handle these emotions?
I am their baby girl and they are my heroes.
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Girlfriend...if you aren't crying, I am.
ReplyDeleteMy father has Alzheimer's and my mother visits him every day...sometimes more. Watching them fail physically is devastating...and at times I can barely handle it.
You may not know it but you are storing up jewels in your heaven-crown. Selflessly giving, daughter or not, is a wonderful thing to do...and I am blessed just hearing of how much you love and care for your parents.
It will be worth it all...someday.
Love to you~Rebecca
I wish had some ideas for you to fix it all, but such is life that we have to live it one step at a time. I think you are amazing! Throw the guilt away!! I know how much you are doing for them. You are ONE person and you still accomplish so much for them. Your dear parents feel that amazing love!!! They probably have a hard time expressing their thankfulness as it is so very hard to accept help. You just keep doing what you do. I know that God has special plans for you and you will reap the rewards even more so because I know you expect nothing in return. You are so inspiring and awesome!! (((HUGS))) Trish
ReplyDeleteOh Nancy,this was so beautiful. You sound like the perfect daughter. I hope you are taking care of yourself during this time as well.
ReplyDelete