Thursday, February 4, 2010

After my son's death, where does inspiration and strength come from

I have pondered writing this.  I asked friends for advise as to whether I should or not.  There are no coincidences, I went to "A Blonde Walks Into A Blog" and read her gripping article on her brother's suicide.  At this time I knew it was time to write about my son's death.

Life was good for me and my son.  Surviving domestic violence, going back to college to earn better pay, cleaning up credit and finally buying a house as a single Mom.

Excitement filled the air as we moved into our new home on April 15, 2005.  I was so proud that I could finally offer my son, my only child a house for a home, not an apartment anymore.

Plans were big as he was given the basement to fix up with his pool table, furniture, etc to make it his place for friends (that were always at our house) to enjoy with him.  We were busy making our new house a home.

June 7, 2005 started out as a really nice day.  Lunch at work with friends, making Dusty his favorite meal, baking chocolate chip cookies all was so nice.

Dusty had been fishing that evening with his friends at a friend's pond.  They came home, shot some pool, ate dinner.  I went to bed early as I always did.  Around 10:30 PM Dusty woke me up to say that he was going fishing at a family friend's cabin at a creek.  He fished for catfish and that is usually done at night.  I said, "OK, love you!" and he replied, "Love you too Mom."

Back to sleep only to awaken at 12:30 AM (June 8th) by the phone.  It was a friend (where they were going fishing) and he told me that Dustin had been in a terrible car accident and that they were going to LifeFlight him. 

The daze started at this time as I hurried to get some clothes on and then he called back and said they were taking him to the local hospital after all.  Somewhat relieved as his injuries must not be as bad as they thought.  I called a friend to take me 1 block to the hospital because there was no way I could have driven.

Once at the hospital I had to register him.  The nurse took me to the back in a quiet little room.  The doctor came in telling me about his injuries, etc.  I abruptly stopped him with my hands in the air, "I just want to know how he is and when can I see him?" the doctor then said to me, "Well he's dead!"

I fell to the floor, screaming, crying and being sucked into a blackhole so fast I didn't know what was going on or where I was going.

My baby boy was gone.  For 17 years I was a Mom and had a thriving, active teen in my life....then everything came to a hault.  My life changed that day forever as part of me went with Dustin.

To the present, my heart aches so much daily, I think of him almost every second of the day, I cry, I feel sick BUT I still have to live.  I live with this each and every day.  I wake up thinking about Dusty and go to bed thinking about him.

So many of you have asked me how do I do it.  Where does your strength and inspiration come from?

First and foremost my strength comes from God.  Without Him I never could have made it one day.


The entire first year Dustin's friends never left my side.  They inspired me to keep going, they gave me strength.

My brother was killed in Vietnam in 1968.  My Mother was my rock as she knew the pain, she knew the journey that laid ahead of me.

My friends never left my side for a moment.  They are the best!

Early on I made a website for Dusty. Through this site I have emailed and actually met others that have lost their child.  Then I started helping with an online grief support group and from there I have arranged "Get Togethers" where we all come together from all over the US for a weekend.  I have some wonderful friends from there and we talk, visit as often as we can.  The Online support group has the most wonderful team of management, they are truly there no matter what.  Strength and inspiration.

Etsy....yes Etsy.  I have talked to so many wonderful Estians and so many wonderful Bloggers that have been supportive in so many ways.  I have been inspired and given strength by so many cannot count them all.  So much kindness exists I am at awe.

Keeping busy, helping others, all part of my inspiration and strength.

Living each day as I never know what will inspire me today or give me strength but I look for it in everything I do.  You are all part of my strength and inspiration.  So I want you to know how much I appreciate each and everyone of you...I really do.  I am humbled and honored by you.

See I need you, my friends, my Etsy  it is where my inspiration and strength comes from.

Have a blessed day....Nancy


  1. Your story is so sad but so amazing that you found a way to even endure. Your heart and love are inspiring. I am so sorry to read about your son. Thank you for sharing it really does put things in perspective.

  2. Nancy-THIS is why I blog. I am sitting her bawling just overwhelmed after reading this and all the comments on my blog and the many people that blogged touched. How many other people are having the courage to talk about the son, husband, brother, sister, mom, dad, baby that they lost. To write, to speak our words and put them down into our blog--putting them in the blogsphere. It really is theraputic. It helps you to be able to let go of those words and reach out to other people who have felt similiar pain. I am so glad and equally sad to read this. Glad that you had the courage to write about this, sad that you had to go through this and have to go through it each and every day. Sad that we have another bond through this deep pain, but ever so grateful that we are now in each others lives.

  3. Oh Nancy - I can't even begin to imagine what you have endured! Thank you for sharing your life, your pain and your precious son with us. Praise God that you have Him to lean on and trust!


  4. I couldn't imagine the pain, the loss, the lonesomeness. I am so sorry Nancy. I have a 17 year old and tonight when we go to bed I will hold him just a bit longer, hug him a bit tighter and thank God a whole bunch more for letting his be here with me.
    Take care and God Bless!!!

  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that by writing this you have found some peace.

    I am a Mother to a 6 & 8 yr old. I lost my Mom at the age of 10, my biggest fear in life is that God will take one of my kids. I can only imagine the "tough" times for you but, as you are aware of Dusty will always be with you! God Bless!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog I am now a Follower of yours :O)

    Have a great weekend!

  6. I truly admire your perseverance. This is the most tragic thing that a parent can endure and I am glad that your faith helped you get through this.

  7. Nancy, thank you so much for following my blog. Your blog is wonderful.

    And thank you for sharing your son's story. It must have been so difficult to write about what happened, as well as enduring the pain you live with every day. Dusty's story tugged at my heart on several levels. I also have a son (my only child, 19 years old) and, being an outdoorsy person, he often goes fishing at night with his friends. I worry about his safety (as I know you did also) every minute he is gone, almost as if: if I worry enough, he will stay safe. But of course that's nothing but a fantasy, and it is out of our control. I hope someday your pain will lessen somewhat. Faith must help you a lot. Know that your blog friends wish you only the best!

  8. hello nancy,
    i came here via magpie's blog ... i expected to see some lovely little crafts and such ... never in a million years did i expect this post. altho this is the first time i am speaking to you, i feel pain, yet ... i feel your strength and your faith for life and living. i am crying as i am writing this ... this post broke my heart. i am truly sorry for what happened and that so many of your dear ones have been taken away from your life so soon. i salute you for being so strong and i also salute you for protecting the memories of those that have passed, so fiercely yet so clearly and dearly. i know it must have taken a lot of courage to write this post and upload those photos... i wish i could give you a big hug now... may time give you peace and healing my fren (if i may call you that)
    luthien ..

  9. Wow so sorry you had to go through that!! Thanks for following my blog, following you back.

  10. Oh heart is aching for you right now. I'm the Mother on one child (he's 20) and I read this entry and it chilled me to the bone. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know that no words I say can take your pain away!

    I'll think of you often...God bless you!

  11. Oh, Nancy...I don't even know what to say. I'm sure you've asked God "why" so many times. In this lifetime we may never know the answers. But, I'm glad that you look to God as your source for strength and comfort. Only He can give us His perfect peace.


  12. I can't imagine losing my child. I have an only child, a son. Adam will be 19 in July and he and I have a bond unbelievable to most people. Before his father and I married in 2003, for almost 12 years it was just Adam and I. My life would stop if I lost him. I pray that you continue to be strengthened and blessed daily.

  13. Don't let anyone tell you that you can get over this. You don't. I am so thankful you have God to lean on and the Holy Spirit to comfort you each day. Your story touched my heart. We all know we are supposed to go before our children do. That's the way it is supposed to be. It sounds like you have a wonderful support group and each day will get better and better. God bless you.


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